Thursday, May 29, 2008

Hit by Realizations

People don't 'get' me. As much as I explain myself every so often, I realize I am still considered to be a weird guy.

I realize I am not the type who would say, "Haha! I was right all along!" I would stay quiet and expect the other person would realize it without me having to make any fuss about it.

I laugh when I am embarrassed, disgraced, anxious, nervous, angry or anything. I realize my laughter is taken as 'mockery' in a lot of circumstances. I don't mock.

I realize I use sarcasm solely for my personal amusement. I hardly wish to communicate my sarcasm to other people. It's a joke within my head - followed by laughter within my head.

I realize I perform much better when I feel inadequate. Like, when I am late, I get that guilty feeling that pushes me to accomplish more.

I realize I don't like to react to things. I internalize it and try to be pragmatic when I get over it. On the outside I would joke about it.

I believe that idealism supersedes any other ism and I will always fight for it. But I realize that pragmatism is what enables you to move on in life and make progress.

I make excellent judgments. And I rationalize my judgments very well. But I realize I am often wrong.

I realize that I have so many friends that I am left with none at times. They all think I have other friends to count on.

If someone gets the credit for something I have done, I feel happy for them. I realize that makes me gullible so people take advantage of me.

I realize people only keep a tally of the things they do for me, not things I do for them. I wish I would keep a tally like that too but I don't or can't.

I toy with people's minds in attempts to open them up. I realize that expanding people's mindsets is much harder than it might appear to be; and the consequences can be drastic if done too fast.

I realize I have hundreds of dreams yet I follow not a single one of them truly.

No comments: