I hurt

I've been hurt. I've been hurt today by someone dear and close to me.

To be thought of as conceited. To be thought of as someone who has ulterior motives. To be thought of as someone who would push a loved one down just to stay on top of the food chain. To be disrespected. To be talked down to. I've been hurt.

I've been hurt that I am not thought of as the man I think I am today. I've been hurt that my integrity had to come into question. I've been hurt that it always has to be this way. Always.

Things are often the way they are because of nature's scheme, society's prejudices or just plain old chance. There are choices made for everyone that they haven't made themselves. Life is full of it. Some are good. Some are bad. But if we all start finding places to bury blame, then everyone's a goner, now isn't it?

Whether it's good advice, honest suggestion or real fact, it always has to suffer brutal force. Action reaction.

It's always the case - one moment you're on top of the world, and the next, you come crashing down. Life, is a sine wave.

Persistence is key.

I shall endure.

Stinkfist

Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden
Anyone should bear.

Constant over stimu-lation numbs me
but I would not want you
any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.

I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not want me any other way.


[YouTube link]

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive.

Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away.

Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?

How can this mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?

I'll keep digging till
I feel something.

Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. Turn around and take my hand.

Media Giants Set Agenda

After Musharraf: Why the future might look bright for Pakistan.

Suddenly the world is talking about taking down Musharraf because he has 'become dangerous'. I wonder if political advisers get their policy cues from these media giants. It's so easy for countries like the U.S. of A to take complete U-turns on their policies so suddenly. I really wonder what's really going on. I mean, the guy did get his Supreme Court to dismiss 5 out of the 6 petitions against his presidency. And all the parties have boycott the elections except for Benny's PPP. Crazy. And I thought I would get to vote in free-and-fair elections when I go back home. What sadness.

But the 13th army general has finally announced he will step down this Thursday, November 29th as Chief of Army Staff (COAS). That is, of course, because he will take oath as the president of the country for the next 5 years! This will be the tenth year of Musharraf's power struggle since October 1998 as he opens up the COAS position in favour of General Ashfaq Pervez Kayani. Looks like Musharraf won, finally.

Right?

Pakistani Rockstar On Emergency

Thankfully, by now, the US is "beginning to understand that Musharraf has become part of the problem" (New York Times article). But Benazir still holds the keys to the hearts of the Western media as the 'saviour for democracy', which is disturbing.

Here, I publish a Pakistani rockstar's insight on the situation in Pakistan in its entirety - thanks to Emad's blog where I found it.

Salman Ahmad was the founder of the internationally acclaimed Pakistani rock band Junoon and has gone solo now. He is also a social activist and the UN goodwill ambassador for HIV/AIDS.

As the world watches, Pakistan, a nation armed with nuclear weapons, descends into political chaos, much attention has been given to two leaders competing for power – the current dictator, General Pervez Musharraf, and the media-savvy Benazir Bhutto. The White House, for the moment, appears to be backing Musharraf as its best bet in the so-called "war on terror," while the world media and the western liberal elite see Bhutto as a democratic savior for a country mired in Islamic fundamentalism.

Both fail to recognize the core of the problem that plagues Pakistani politics and society.l believe that without a strong and independent judiciary,Pakistan will be forever at the mercy of power grabbing dictators and politicians.Its the lack of oversight and institutional accountability which leads to the coups and counter coups and helps perpetuate a constant state of instability in the country.

As an artist and a social activist I have worked extensively with both Musharraf and Bhutto's governments on peace initiatives and social uplift themes before, and have been disillusioned by their lack of commitment and political will to get any real work done while spending most of their time in consolidating their power bases.

On several occasions after September 11th, I was invited to General Musharraf's house in Islamabad, and was surprised to see him even join me onstage in concert to help support a united national anti-extremist front. I,like many others of my generation,initially believed and supported his commitment to introduce a new era of "enlightened moderation" in Pakistan, a nation that was hijacked by religious fanatics during the American-backed military dictatorship of General Zia ul-Haq in the 1980s.

Unfortunately General Musharraf forgot that artists like myself are not seduced by presidential palaces or official praise. We had supported him for his promise of fighting extremism,bringing accountability into politics,opening up a free and independent media and reducing the immoral gap between Pakistan's rich and poor communities.No amount of political song and dance or governmental fear-mongering can make us look the other way while he imposes emergency rule,intimidates the media, dismantles the judiciary and muzzles any form of dissent against his flawed vision of democracy which is doomed to fail without the respect for civil institutions.

And yet Benazir Bhutto is no savior. The queen of hypocrisy and media manipulation, she has managed to hypnotize Western liberal classes with her false claims to represent progressive elements in the Muslim world. Ms. Bhutto is a charlatan and a false prophet of democracy. How can she insist on being a democrat while selfishly appointing herself life chairperson of the Pakistan people's party? Her years as Pakistan's prime minister witnessed staggering levels of corruption and billion-dollar graft that left even the most cynical Pakistanis speechless. Benazir's own niece and sister in law accuse her of conspiring to murder her own brother,Murtaza,who was becoming a thorn for her government and a real challenge to her power during her second term as prime minister.She continues to see Pakistan as her personal feudal fiefdom to be pillaged and plundered at will and threatens to bring back the rule of the gangster rather than the rule of law.



During the late nineties I recorded a song called "Accountability" [YouTube link] along with a music video that satirized Pakistani politicians like Bhutto whose corruption scandals were being reported in international publications like The New York Times and Newsweek. Her government's response was to ban the music video and threaten my life. In the years since Bhutto fled the country to escape investigation of her family's corrupt activities, her greed to regain power has blinded her from the genuine struggle being waged by Pakistanis on behalf of true democracy. One of her own party members,the lawyer Aitzaz Ahsan, who won the case for the restoration of the Chief justice of the supreme court, still languishes in jail along with thousands of others while Benazir attends diplomatic receptions and makes speeches about freedom and liberty. Earlier this year,while lawyers and human rights activists faced injury and death for standing up to Musharraf's authoritarian regime, she was sipping lemonade on the sunny beaches of Dubai waiting for her go ahead from Washington.

So if neither the path of the military strongman nor the path of the feudal democrat serves the needs of Pakistan, what is an alternative model? The answer comes from within the genesis of Pakistan's freedom movement:One needs to only look at Pakistan's founder, Muhammad Ali Jinnah's struggle and sacrifice as a clear example of legal and political activism.Jinnah ,belonging to the Muslim middle class of India,was a strict constitutional lawyer,and an exellent blend of both Islamic and Western values of social justice.60 years on, the vast majority of Pakistanis still look back at him as being the best role model for Pakistani politics.Although secular in outlook he quoted his inspiration to be Prophet Muhammad,who he recalled as being the greatest law giver in history.Tenacious and uncorruptible to the core,Jinnah, sacrificed his life and property arguing the case for Pakistan and won independance from the British imperialists.The US and its allies need to unequivocally support civil society:the Pakistani supreme court judges, lawyers,journalists and human rights activists who are fighting to protect the rule of law.That in itself is the best weapon against the extremists and will also provide a safeguard against other adventurous leaders.

Shakespeare warned that the first instinct of a dictator is to "kill the lawyers." He was right. It is the lawyers and the Judiciary who are the hope and the future of Pakistan. Let's stand by their side and not surrender to the Pharoahs and the false prophets, whether they are clothed in a military uniform or a stylish Hermes scarf.

Loving Pakistan to Bits - Literally

Students all over Pakistan are 'celebrating' Black Day everyday in Pakistan (at least the university LUMS is) - holding processions, hunger strikes (since 12th in LUMS) and what not. The General can not ignore them, but he will still do whatever he wants.

(Click here to download a press release issued by LUMS about the arrest and bail of its faculty members.)

I have always had a tendency to try and think opposite to whatever is popular or the things mainstream says. It is what gives me a broader world-view and I feel it contributes to my understanding of scenarios as I can often imagine and see two sides to a story with storming ease. Often, I see more than two.

In the current scenario, Mushy boy may as well be the Genghis Khan Pakistani blogs, YouTube videos, CNN, Geo and other media channels are saying he is; that this may be a martial law rather than a 'State of Emergency'; that holding processions and peaceful rallies may be the best form of 'action' to bring about positive change; but what if?

What if Musharraf's activities really are justified given the information that is only available at his level? What if such information is really so sensitive that it can not be made public? What if whatever Mushy boy is doing really is in the best interest of Pakistan - even if it doesn't appear so?

Now I am not saying that Mushy boy is a good boy. I do know that Benny Booto is definitely not a good girl either - especially the way she is holding rallies (unsuccessfully) to bring back democracy but at the same time not saying jack about reinstating the judiciary. I don't have much faith in Imran Khan either because power corrupts the soul, and why would this famous cricketer be an exception? I don't want Qazi Hussain Ahmad to take power by using Islam as his weapon and then proceeding brainwash the entire country.


YouTube link

Me, and countless other Pakistanis don't want an 'extremist' government. We don't want a secular state either where Pakistan can build casinos and more breweries. It's a very hypocritical mix that we want, and I say that because it is neither truly Islamic nor truly democratic (because of Shariah/Islamic Law). We think it should remain an Islamic State - that is what most want, I believe.

The Pakistani public is always being deceived. I remember they said Nawazi was good for the country with all his reforms, underpasses and the motorway. He was taken down by Musharraf and exposed as corrupt. Earlier, Benny Booto's government was also doing okay until she was taken over by Nawazi and exposed as owning castles and what not in the UK. Mushy boy was also very popular - "best thing to happen to this country" they would say - but now I'm sure all such people think otherwise. What is the real truth, no one knows. No one ever does until it is too late.

I sometimes even question the legitimacy of Quaid's (Jinnah) reasons to form Pakistan as a homeland for Muslims - did he want an Islamic state with Islamic law or did he want a so-called nation that consisted of corrupt politicians, breweries and loudspeakers in mosques that can brainwash civilians?

Many would say I am not a patriot for questioning Quaid here, or choosing to study abroad, and planning to work abroad later (I have a work bond with the Singapore government). The truth is that I am passionate about my country and I love it to bits - not the kind of bits it is in right now though.

An AIESECer, Emad Nadim, seems to be in the know and his blog is worth visiting as he updates it regularly with information and perspectives on the current crisis in Pakistan.

Click here to see Emad's blog.

2007 World University Rankings: NUS, NTU down

National University of Singapore (NUS) appeared at #18 in the 2004 Times Higher Education Supplement (THES) World University Rankings but most Singaporeans weren't aware of it. When it showed up at rank #22 in the 2005 Rankings, NUSians celebrated their success. In 2006 it was better - NUS jumped to spot #19. Everyone probably thought at the time that whatever NUS administration, faculty and students were doing, it was just right - that they were moving in the right direction. Which is why this year might come as a shock to many.

NUS is ranked #33 in the THES World University Rankings to be released this year - a rank shared with the University of British Columbia (Canada) and University of Queensland (Australia). It is now ranked lower than McGill University (Canada), which has gone up to secure rank #12.

Even Nanyang Technological University (NTU) has fallen from grace, going down from #61 in 2006 to #69, but that is not much if you look at all the others that have fallen harder.

University of California, Berkeley (US) is down to #22 from #8 (that is a big fall for that university); University of Geneva (Switzerland) is down to #105 from #39; Eindhoven University of Technology (Netherlands) is down to #130 from #67; Macquarie University (Australia) is down to 168 from #82; UNAM (Mexico) is down to #192 from #74; and Washington University in St. Louis (US) is down to #161 from #48!

But we can see big uprises as well: UniCAMP (Brazil) is up from #448 to #177 (what a leap!); University of Florida (US) is up from #226 to #135; University of Western Ontario (Canada) is up from #215 to #126; Ohio State University (US) is up from #219 to #120; and University of Waterloo (Canada) is up from #204 to #112!

So there is definitely something different about this year's rankings. I went through the trouble of checking it out and here's what I could find:

One of the things different in this year's THES QS World University Rankings is that peer reviewers were prevented from promoting their own university. Using peer reviews is one of the basic methodologies used to make the rankings (40% weightage in 2005) and this difference alone seems to show surprising effects in this year's ranking.

Now, THES rankings actually began in 2004 and have proved to be useful on many occasions but they were criticized more often and debated over and over. Back then, they used Thomson's Web of Science - represented by "ESI" as the only available, well-reputed citation data that measured the research strength by university and seemed most appropriate at the time.

Scopus on the other hand, which was also born in 2004 seems to have evolved over time: the Scopus database responds better to queries; it also covers more sources in languages other than English; and it places less emphasis on mere publications leading to greater representation of research done by universities. Another good thing about using Scopus is that it removes the bias towards American universities resulting in a reduced advantage in their favour for this indicator.

In a nutshell, ESI and Scopus both have their merits but the only criticism of using Scopus is that it does not track citations before 1996, and that actually makes it better because THES does not look at data beyond the past 5 years (at least for this year's ranking). So another thing different about the 2007 rankings is that THES has used Scopus to come up with them.

Here I present to you:
The 2007 THES - QS World University Rankings (Top 200)
(Download link for HTML file)

PDF version here.

To compare these rankings with the US News one - America's Best Colleges 2008 (featuring top 124 in the U.S. of A only), click here. (Thanks Kenneth for the link.)

Below is an article published in The Straits Times:

Nov 8, 2007

NUS drops from 19 to 33 in global rankings

But shift is due to new method of compilation, NUS' low staff-to-student ratio

By Sandra Davie, Education Correspondent

THE National University of Singapore (NUS) took a tumble, from 19th spot to No. 33 this year, in the ranking of the world's top 200 universities published by The Times of London Higher Education Supplement on Thursday.

However, this is due to a new way of scoring, said QS, the careers and education group that compiled the much-followed ranking.

It said, with the change, NUS' previously high scores in certain categories such as the percentage of international faculty, did not give it much overall advantage this year.

On the other hand, NUS' low score on staff- to-student ratio affected its ranking.

Mr Nunzio Quacquarelli, managing director of London-based QS, said NUS continues to do well in all other categories.

NUS improved its score this year for the number of academic citations faculty members notched up. It scored 84 out of 100 here.

'There is no doubt it is one of the elite universities of the world,' said Mr Quacquarelli.

'NUS and NTU's placing in the top 100 are recognition of the quality of education that Singapore's universities offer.'

Nanyang Technological University (NTU) ranked No. 69 this year, down from its 61st spot last year. Singapore Management University is not ranked because of its specialisation in business.

There are six categories.

Forty per cent of the total score depends on what academics from around the world think of the universities; while global employers' keenness to recruit their graduates counts for 10 per cent.

The numbers of foreign students and staff a university attracts are worth 5 per cent each; and the ratios of students to staff and academic citations to staff count for 20 per cent each.

NUS president Shih Choon Fong said: 'NUS still has good standing' as one of the top 50 universities and as one of the top five in Asia.

He said NUS will continue to 'enhance students' experience and push for world class research'. He pointed out that NUS' effort in improving research is already showing in the citation score.

On the staff-student ratio, he said many universities in the United States have significantly higher budgets and endowments and can thus afford to keep their enrolments low and faculty counts high.

He added: 'We don't want to go and hire more faculty just to boost the numbers. We want to ensure they are top quality in their field.'

NUS currently has a 1,944-strong faculty, of which 52 per cent are from overseas.

Harvard, Cambridge, Oxford and Yale universities maintained their top four positions for the second year. University College London and the University of Chicago join the top 10 for the first time.

Apart from NUS, the London School of Economics was also affected by the scoring changes, dropping from 17th last year to 59th this year. Stanford fell from sixth to 19th.

The universities of Tokyo, Hong Kong, Kyoto, Beijing, Chinese University of Hong Kong, Tsinghua and Osaka were other Asian institutions in this year's top 50.

Mr Martin Ince, contributing editor of The Times Higher Education Supplement, noted: 'The 2007 rankings show that the US and UK model of independent universities supported with significant state funding, produces great results, but they also prove that academic excellence is found on every continent.'

Author's edit: I apologize but I realized that NUS was ranked #18 in the 2004 ranking (as opposed to not being ranked at all as I said when I made this post). Sorry for the mistake. I have corrected it now.

Emergency Not Entirely a Consipiracy

All the international media are telling the world there is some kind of conspiracy as to what Musharraf is telling the people of Pakistan and the actions he is taking. Their implication is that Musharraf, in his address to the nation, declared the state of emergency solely to control the situation regarding extremists. Then they say this is not true.

In the address, Musharraf tries his best to explain how the collapse of the judiciary is related to the spread of extremism, such as releasing confirmed terrorists from prison, and he implies that these released felons may be the ones behind the attacks in Karachi and Rawalpindi. The judiciary, the legislative and the executive pillars of the government need to become one, Musharraf explains. The judiciary can not be pulling the strings in other political bodies.

The situation is terrible to say the least, and I am no fan of Musharraf at the moment either. Whatever justifications he may give, there are definitely signs of a struggle to maintain his grip on power that Musharraf is unable to let go. But BBC News, ABC News, USA Today and all these major news sources are portraying a more negative image of Musharraf's reasons to declare a state on emergency.

On the cover page of last week's Newsweek issue, well in advance of the emergency, it says:

The Most Dangerous Nation In the World Isn't Iraq.
It's Pakistan.

The US keeps threatening to 'review' its aid to Pakistan - as if it will terminate it. If it does there may be some relief to the Pakistani public who have never seen any sign of the US $10 billion Pakistan has reportedly received up till now. But such a move would mean Bush would stop his support for Musharraf in his self-proclaimed War on Terror and that would have dire consequences for the army general. Such a move by the US could pronounce consequences for the general public as well, because Musharraf intends to remain dictator for what might be at least a year from now because that is how long the elections are to be withheld.

What's more, when I see clippings of protests by students, lawyers and others, I can not tell from the tone of their voices what they mean to say when they shout, "Go, Musharraf go!"

Do they mean, "Go on, Musharraf, go on!" or "Go away, Musharraf go away!"?

Don't get killed now Musharraf - that's what I say - you have dug your grave very deep this time, and this country can't afford to go into utter anarchy just now.

My entry for Silk Road Poetry Slam

Smooth sliding down the Silk
By Nabeel Khalid

Standing on the top of the Mindai Mountain
I can see my silk route
I will leave Singapurah on a carriage
With old friends and new

An alchemist in search of Gold
Air-borne with great insight
Cheeky townsfolk and crazy festivals
Hand-loomed carpets on which we dance

We dance wild in our khussas with their curled toes
Drink from porcelain bowls made by a man from Lanchou
Bangles play music as women cheer
Unaware of the missing caravans and lost merchandise

Children cry as pirates enter
They eye the remaining gold-threaded cloth;
The Ruby necklaces from Varanasi;
And expensive carpets from Persia

Disputes and deceitful companions
Leave us searching for a pirates trail
Tattered clothes; sand in feet
Mirage after mirage; deaths on schedule

Landslides arrive like automatic burials
Down glaciers on the Hindu Kush
We make it to palm trees and waterfalls
A lack of motivation met by lush green mountains

At the Meluhha I eventually arrive home
I taste the water of the ancient Indus
I wash my face; I close my eyes
And in my head; the journey begins again

This blog is PG-13

Free Maryland Dating

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• sex (9x)
• cock (1x)

I can't believe I used the word 'cock'! It must be in a different context I'm sure though. I can't seem to locate it... Oh wait - there it is - in the Links section. The link to Talking Cock dot com! Damn!